The Jasperverse
I will happily (and mercilessly) write about any people in my life – friends, family members, coworkers – if there is some entertainment value to be garnered from their life experiences (and by life experiences, I mostly mean misfortunes), then I’m all over it. I figure it’s only fair that I at least describe them in some fleeting detail, so you can get a vague idea who I’m mocking.
Wolverine: My female housemate, friend and co-worker. (No, we don’t have many boundaries, why do you ask?) So named because her real middle name is ‘Logan’, and she longs to have the middle name Wolverine. I’m throwing her a bone, here. So to speak.
Wolverine is tall, and intimidating, and it is flat out impossible to offend her. It is quite possible to be offended by her, however. But she is still a lady.
Jean-Paul: My male housemate, friend, and co-worker (nope, no boundaries here, either). He is called Jean-Paul in the Jasperverse because he is the first (and so far only) straight man I know to ever buy and wear Jean-Paul Gaultier’s Le Male fragrance, which I’ve always believed is the signature homo smell. I’ve told him that wearing Le Male is akin to hanging out in a mensroom with kneepads on; but Jean-Paul still wears it proudly.
If he starts wearing horizontal striped skivvies and neck-kerchiefs, however, I’m calling a counsellor.
The Stag: It is well known that a lot of gay men have a ‘Fag Hag’ – the straight female best friend – but I don’t. I do, however, have a straight male best friend, and he was helpfully given the title ‘Fag Stag’ by a nearby expert - a title he has taken to surprisingly well. I think he might be ever-so-slightly proud of his Role Of Importance. Even his girlfriend is chuffed, having since dubbed herself the ‘Stag Shag’. In the interest of politeness, we shorten it to just “The Stag”.
The Stag and I share many weird traits. We are both unnecessarily addicted to videogames. We both agonise over correct spelling and grammar – to the point of correcting others when necessary. We both share a large soft spot for anything that comes out of Joss Whedon’s brain, and we both have heads that seem a little large for our bodies. It’s a match made in Large Headed Geek Heaven.
Stevivor: Technically an old friend, in that we’ve known each other for years. But also technically a very new friend, in that we only actually *met* in August 2009. He is my Xbox 360 equivalent of Obi Wan Kenobi – he has a skill level I will just never match, but he inspires me to try better. Also, he wears an oversized hooded robe that looks itchy. (Okay no, he doesn’t – but he sure could if he wanted to.) Find out more here.
Mr Sparkle: One of my best mates with whom I have a checkered history – because we used to play checkers. Okay, that’s a lie - we play videogames. Like The Stag and Stevivor, it’s an addiction. We also share an addiction to watching terrible gay-coming-of-age movies. Our friendship is based on nerdiness and shame.
Mr. Sparkle is named after his personality, which is sparkling. At least, he TELLS me his personality is sparkling, and I am just too lazy to do a proper background check.
