* But not THAT tale of concussion, stupid girls and vampires – this one predates that one by eight years. Also, it is real. The working title of this story was actually “Shut Up, Stephanie Meyer”. The Conclusion About a month after I became a teenage swinger for about fifteen seconds, Bella had braces put [...]

As a young thing growing up in Queensland, I never had to explain anything Queenslanderish, because we were all Queenslanders. We all said the word “pool” with about three ‘o’s too many, we all referred to scho(ooo)ol bags as “ports” which we placed in “portracks” outside our classrooms, and none of us had any concept [...]