I Got Carried Away, Read Me My Miranda Rights, Who Are These Charlotte-ains, And…Something Something Samantha is a Slut

June 15, 2010

It’ll come as a surprise to absolutely no one to learn that I am very well acquainted with bad movies. Some of my favourite movies are bad movies. There are even people who would argue that ALL my favourite movies are bad movies, but they’re philistines. Hmph. However, no amount of familiarity with tragic cinema [...]

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Renee ZellweGRR

May 27, 2010

Renée Zellweger: she’s always squinting, am I right? For years now; just like every other person with working eyeballs (who, unlike some successful actresses with a penchant for unflatteringly harsh bob haircuts, occasionally allow them to rise to the surface of our skulls), I have been wishing that Renée Zellweger would open her eyes more. [...]

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…Or a Vogon.

May 19, 2010

After holding the title of Weirdest Conversation I’ve Ever Had for nearly six months, the unrelenting woman revealed to be Tracey has had her crown snatched from her snappish head by someone new. This is an actual phone conversation I had today. The ALL CAPS text you see isn’t just for formatting. The man spoke [...]

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Not Enough Gays In The Week

May 17, 2010

This weekend saw not one, but two gay rights rallies being held in Melbourne. On the same day. One was for gay marriage rights; one appeared to be a generic rally against homophobia (which, really: It’s a good thing all homophobes are ignorant and stupid, otherwise they’d have the forethought to assemble when we’re all [...]

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Defending Your Right To Say It

May 4, 2010

It’s not often that I get opinionated in anything even remotely resembling a serious fashion, but this whole Logies/Wil Anderson/Catherine Deveny thing is just getting on my nerves. First of all, (and this explains why I said “getting on my nerves” and not “I’M SO INCENSED” or “I WANT TO OVERTURN A VEHICLE!”) I don’t [...]

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Cosmo Hates Your Penis

May 2, 2010

You know when you see old people shout back at the television when they see something that makes them angry, and you kind of shake your head at them because oh, old people are just so silly? I’m about to go one better. I am going to shout back at a magazine. The magazine in question [...]

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I Like To Move It, Move It

April 22, 2010

They say moving house is one of the most stressful events a human being can endure. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this comparison – I wouldn’t exactly put a change of address on the same level as, say, renal failure – but it is indeed a stressful time. I should know, I’m almost finished [...]

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The Man Who Cut Me

April 6, 2010

I miss Shane. You won’t know this, because I never spoke of him (even those closest to me weren’t really aware of his existence), but Shane was one of the most important people in my life. Our relationship was perfect. We never fought, we always had fun together, he knew exactly what I wanted and [...]

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Assisted Living

April 2, 2010

When I get so old and decrepit that I need an assortment of machines to keep me alive, I don’t think I’ll notice the difference. I’m already hooked up to various pieces of equipment and technology; every single one of which is programmed to take care of various elements of my day-to-day existence. That scene [...]

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Livin’ On a Prayer (As Opposed To In a House)

March 31, 2010

One of my first major tasks now that I live in Melbourne is to actually find somewhere to live in Melbourne. Now, I have only looked at once place so far, but because I am prone to extreme impatience I am already convinced that this is an insurmountable task and that I will die a [...]

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