You know what, people? Calm down. Just take a deep, soothing breath and caaaaaaaalm down. If everyone keeps tottering about the place as tightly wound as they are right now, we’re all going to do ourselves a damage.
Every day we are forced to face unnecessary rudeness from people. And we, in turn, are unnecessarily rude to others. It’s time to put a stop to it.
You see that shop assistant you just barked at because you couldn’t find the thing you were looking for? He didn’t hide it to spite you. He didn’t see you coming, whisper to his buddies “ZOMG watch this, it’ll be hilarious-cakes!” and hide all the can openers in the menswear section just to mess with your head. So why act like he did?
The kid at Red Rooster who forgot to put the sweet & sour sauce in the bag with your Cheesy Nuggets isn’t secretly hoping that you’ll choke to death on insufficiently moistened reconstituted chicken meat substitute. And you know this. So why hiss at them like they’ve personally tried to murder you?
And if you call me at work to ask why you haven’t received an email in some time (which, incidentally, don’t actually come from me), and I discover that the person we had listed as your business contact no longer works there, what is to be achieved by continuing to snarl at me? Is it really my fault for failing to anticipate the departure of your colleague? And on what plane of existence does this constitute a personal affront to you? Why are you speaking to me like I just punched your kitten in the face?
It’s a widely accepted fact that people who work in customer service hate customers. And why? Because customers are, by and large, terrible people: bad mannered, impatient, solipsistic jagweeds completely devoid of the ability to think reasonably or read signs. This defies logic, because 100% of people who work in customer service are also themselves customers; and 99% of people who are customers have, at one point or another, worked in customer service. We know what it’s like from both sides. So why are we so badly behaved?
Because it’s an easy outlet for our frustrations. Finding people who are compelled, by the most basic tenet of their employment, to be nice to you no matter what; and acting like Mel Gibson*. You get to feel all powerful, and they are powerless to stop you.
And you know who else tried to make themselves feel better and more powerful by attacking the innocent and defenceless? People who hunt deer for sport. Do you really want to be like the men who shot Bambi’s mother?
In the effort to stop us from behaving like Disney villains, I am encouraging us all to stop being jerks to those who serve us. Stop using them as a punching bag for our own frustrations. If the restaurant is out of the thing you want, it’s probably not the fault of the waiter currently about to face your wrath, so just pick something else. The telemarketer who calls you at dinner time isn’t on a personal mission to ruin your day, they’re just doing their job (and are probably already pretty miserable themselves, because it’s a terrible job a lot of people resort to just to make ends meet**), so spare the abuse and just hang up.
And because there are a lot of actual bad people who enjoy behaving like jagweeds to customer service employees, I am providing a weapon to the Nametag Brigade to use as a deterrent:
Jasper’s Jagweed Jab
If a customer is behaving reprehensibly for no good reason, take the following steps:
Step One: Stick your finger up their nose. Don’t make a big show of it, just extend a digit really quickly and stick it right up a nostril. If you’re quick enough, you can wiggle it around a bit before putting your hand back by your side.
Step Two: When they react, deny doing it. Sticking a finger up someone’s nose is such an unexpected action that the plausible deniability is inherent. In fact, it so easily denied that it leads to:
Step Three: Act appalled and hurt at such a terrible accusation, and tell them if they are going to openly lie about a physical attack, you have no choice but to ask them to leave the store. Tell them you’re going to call your security, and walk away on the verge of tears. But before you go…
Step Four: Stick another finger up the other nostril.
Once enough customer service practitioners know about the J.J.J., and the threat of having your proboscis violated is ever-present, people will be more careful about wildly attacking those in a position of servitude.
OR: People could just stop being rude to those who don’t actually deserve it. The world will become a better place, and we won’t have to deal with other people’s snot on our fingers.
*Yeah, I went there. What you call a cheap shot I call searingly topical social commentary! I got your back, Botswana. (Noxeema? Sakata? What’s her name again***?)
**I speak from personal experience, here.
***Now THAT’S a cheap shot.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Indeed!
as someone that’s worked in Customer Service jobs for years, I can’t tell you how much patience it’s taught me.
You’d be surprised how much goes your way when you’re on the phone to a customer support team and you say “it’s okay mate, I work in Customer Support, so I know what you’re going through – if you need to put me on hold, then by all means, take you’re time. After all, you’re at work, I’m sitting at home on my couch” I’ve had all sorts of fees scrapped, upgrades applied and little extras.
Man, I love your writing. You just keep doing what you doing. That’s all.
Aw, Sam! Thank you very much. <- Someone give this man a neck rub!