I was watching some boxing the other day…
…oh, I can’t back that up. If you have ever met me, you would never believe that sentence anyway. And even if you haven’t met me; I should probably confess now before you mistake me for a boxing fan and try and ask me a question about it and I am suddenly revealed as a complete fraud and lose all your confidence and respect. I don’t want that to happen – there will be plenty of much more legitimate opportunities for you to lose all respect for me in due course.
So, I wasn’t watching some boxing the other day, but I did see either while channel-surfing or during a news report that someone was in a boxing match somewhere against someone else; and that one of those someones had been declared the winner by ‘Technical Knockout’. And now we get to my point (in less than 150 words! It’s a new record):
What is a ‘Technical Knockout’, exactly? I never thought a knockout was something that could be measured as a technicality. You either are, or you are not. Not unlike being knocked up. Has anyone ever successfully applied for maternity leave citing ‘Technical Pregnancy’?
Wikipedia tells me that a referee can declare a ‘Technical Knockout’ if they deem that the fighter can not continue the match, or if they’ve fallen down three or more times. So a ‘Technical Knockout’ shares enough similarities with a real knockout to be declared the same, technically.
Why has no one ever thought of adapting this concept and giving it some real-world application?
A chocolate biscuit with a cup of coffee – the coffee, the chocolate, the subtle guilt: Technical Tiramisu!
Something I’ve adopted lately – wearing my dressing gown back to front: Technical Snuggie!
Put on a pair of jeans after wearing them a few times, without washing them? They’re a bit easier to pull on, a bit looser around the waist, and make you feel better about your figure: Technical Weight Loss!
And my personal favourite – spilled a hot beverage in your lap? It’s surprising, a little bit warm, a little bit wet, and can cause you to make various howling noises: Technical Blow Job!
I have taken to tipping a hot Jarrah down the front of my jeans on a semi-weekly basis.
